Put Yourself First: 10 Empowering Ways Women Can Reclaim Their Time, Power & Happiness
Women today are working harder than ever — building careers, raising children, managing households, and often supporting their partners emotionally. Yet despite these efforts, women’s happiness has declined measurably over the last 20 years. The gap between what we give and what we get — at work, at home, and in our relationships — has widened. Something has to give. The solution? Stop settling for less, and start putting yourself first.
Drawing from personal experience and economic research, here are 10 powerful ways women can get a better deal — in the workplace, at home, and beyond.
1. Ask Yourself: Am I Getting a Good Deal?
At the heart of economist-style decision-making is one core question: Am I getting a good return on the time, energy, and emotion I’m investing? Whether it’s your job, marriage, or motherhood, consider whether the arrangement is sustainable and fulfilling — or whether it’s draining you dry.
Think like an economist: you’re the CEO of your life. If a company made deals as bad as some of the ones women tolerate in their personal lives, it would go bankrupt.
2. Don’t Compare Utility Functions
Your happiness — or what economists call “utility” — is personal. It might come from meaningful work, or homemaking, or traveling, or activism. But too often, women undermine themselves by comparing their lives to people with different values, goals, or resources.
If you love takeout and short showers but feel inferior to a friend with homecooked meals and perfect linen closets, stop. You’re not doing it wrong — you’re doing it your way. Respect your own values.
3. Stop Romanticizing Unsustainable Setups
You’re not broken because you can’t juggle a demanding job, constant childcare, an unequal partnership, and still stay sane. The system is broken.
In heterosexual households, women still do the majority of household labor — even when they earn more. And parenting expectations have doubled. Meanwhile, career progress has slowed, especially for mothers. If you feel burned out, it’s not because you’re doing it wrong — it’s because you’re trying to do it all.
4. Choose Partners Like You’re Hiring a Co-CEO
When dating or evaluating a partner, stop asking only about hobbies, dreams, and shared playlists. Ask:
- Who does your laundry?
- What do you cook for dinner?
- How do you split holiday planning in your family?
Love is necessary — but not sufficient. You’re building a life, a family, and a household. Choose a co-pilot who will actually pilot.
5. Conduct a Time Audit Together
If your household feels unequal, prove it. Create a detailed time map for both you and your partner, broken down into 15-minute increments over a full week.
Track everything:
- Cooking
- Cleaning
- Childcare
- Mental load (scheduling, researching camps, emailing schools)
- Your actual free time
Then compare. Often, the invisible labor women perform isn’t even seen, let alone valued. Time audits make it undeniable.
6. Rebalance the Load — Don’t Just Delegate
Don’t just ask your partner to “help.” That implies you’re the default. Instead, reassign entire responsibilities — like “kids’ lunches” or “weekly grocery shopping.” Assign ownership, not tasks.
Tools like Eve Rodsky’s “Fair Play” method work by dividing up entire categories of labor, not just chores. That way, the mental load is shared too — not just the doing, but the thinking.
7. Set Better Boundaries at Work
Even if you love your job, remember: your employer’s goal is profit. Yours is well-being. If the balance of trade is off — if you’re over-giving and under-compensated — something needs to change.
Don’t stay late out of guilt. Don’t accept “passion” as a substitute for fair pay. And always ask yourself: “Is this role increasing or draining my utility?” Passion is not a substitute for sustainability.
8. Start Saying No — And Mean It
Stop apologising for needing flexibility, saying no to extras, or asking for help. Practice saying:
- “Thanks for handling this.” (Instead of “Sorry to bother you.”)
- “I’m unavailable at that time.” (Instead of “I’m trying to make it work.”)
Women are trained to be agreeable. But clarity and boundaries are more powerful than over-accommodation.
9. Outsource Like a Man
When a man hires a plumber, nobody says he’s lazy. But when a woman gets a cleaner or a nanny, it’s seen as indulgent. Challenge this double standard.
Your time has value. Calculate the true cost of “doing it all yourself” — not just in dollars, but in stress, lost sleep, career stagnation, and resentment. If outsourcing is out of budget, look for community swaps:
- Carpools
- Shared childcare
- Batch cooking with friends
Simplify. Delegate. Or just stop doing the non-essential tasks.
10. Pay Yourself First — In Time, Not Just Money
In personal finance, “pay yourself first” means saving before spending. In your life, it means prioritising your rest, joy, and mental health — before everything else.
Don’t treat rest like a reward for finishing your to-do list. The list will never end. Schedule downtime as non-negotiable. Mark it in your calendar. And keep the appointment with yourself like you would a boss.
The Bottom Line: You Are the Protagonist of Your Own Life
You weren’t put on Earth to run errands for everyone else’s dreams. You’re not a secondary character. You are the main character — the protagonist — of your own life.
Stop waiting for permission to prioritise your needs. Don’t apologise for drawing boundaries. Don’t feel guilty for wanting more. You deserve a deal that works for you — not just for your boss, your partner, or your kids.
Start rewriting your story. Starting now.
